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Here it is, guys and gals: proof that GOOD advice doesn’t have to be uncool (or boring, for that matter). Being so forward may seem awkward, but at least you can be sure the guys they recommend won’t be douchebags or serial killers. Sign yourself up for a cooking class or a writing class or start working on those paintings you’ve been wanting to do.
Today I present to you: advice that isn’t completely horrible … It might seem awkward at first, but notice how Men tend to be intimidated by a pack of girls, so hit up a bar with just two friends. See, the weird thing is that once you stop placing an overarching focus on being “sexy” and on attracting a guy, you actually become— well, a heck of a lot sexier.
How to Decode His Body Language Which is awesome and all, except summer hair ideas,” because guys like sexy, right?!
And, you know, the purpose of life has pretty much been defeated if we aren’t a man-magnet or can’t please him in 342 different ways.
Take this shimmering pearl of wisdom, for example (from Cosmo’s “The 9 Best Things to Say to a Guy You Just Met”— this line is supposed to apply if you’re on the beach): Wow. Are our lives really incomplete unless every single one of our decisions, from our choices in clothes & makeup to the way we carry ourselves to the things we do on Facebook, are based on the school of thought?
And besides that, are shimmery cleavage and sultry bedroom eyes really the key to attracting lasting love?
BOYFRIEND BUMMER 1: He’s Allergic To Chores As Used On Chimpanzees: These primates are big mischief makers, so getting them to calm down can be a real bitch.
Luckily, if you indulge their silly side, you have a good shot at getting them to pay attention.
In fact, I can hardly stand in the checkout line anymore without seeing a headline that makes me want to vomit, cry, and die of stupidity and embarrassment all at once.
If you see a guy you like, pull away from your friends and scan the room. Author Meghan Daum summed it up well in the July 2008 issue of “[Sexiness] is inextricably linked to sex as a concept but wholly separate from fornication… This might mean taking walks or taking a yoga class instead of taking shots at the bar. All while maybe — just maybe — helping you feeling a little less alone in this sometimes crazy, sometimes beautiful, always mysterious life on earth.
When your eyes fall on him, shoot him “the look.” It’ll give him a free-and-clear pickup opportunity (and yes, they need all the help they can get). Consider that bars are usually crappy places for meeting men, anyways. You know those emails your college sends out about alumni networking events? As much about posture and voice intonation as it is about cleavage or skirt length or the dimensions of our posteriors, feeling sexy is, at its root, about owning ourselves. It might mean spending some quality time with your girl friend instead of desperately scanning the room for guys all night. I don’t see how it My name’s Thérèse Schwenkler, and I want to make you laugh.
Possibly my favorite one is this “What Guys Secretly Think of Your Hair & Makeup: The truth revealed! uh, that is exactly the thing that keeps me up at night: what guys are thinking about my hair and makeup! Yes; I said children— seriously, I think more 15 year-olds read this magazine than 25 year-olds.
Not that it’s really great advice for any age group. Back to my earlier point: is THE purpose of life really to attract a guy?